My initial plan for this episode was to finish talking about the things that I learnt in Kelowna at the ADHD seminar….but when I went to prepare for it, I felt strongly that I should talk about another topic instead. I will definitely circle back in the next episode.
What I felt compelled to talk about today is what I have learnt over the past year or so on LOVE LANGUAGES.
I watched every single episode of the Oprah show when it was on…..I even went to a taping of it with my friend James MacEachern when he moved to Chicago. Oh lord, was that a moment in my life I will NEVER forget….ever. The episode was about miracles….that’s all I know. I spent the whole time STARING at her like a crazy loon. And then when she walked out at the end, she shook my hand and I was dead. DEAD. James and I got in the cab and I screamed and cried into my cell phone at my Mom. That cab driver was laughing at my hysterics….anyhoo…I digress.
One of those Oprah episodes that I remember watching was with Gary Chapman. He was on her show multiple times. He spoke about the 5 Love Languages. Now remember, I was in my 20’s and 30’s when these shows aired and I either didn’t care or know much about love and it went right over my head.
But now that I am an old married woman with lots of life experience, when I heard him talk about these Love Languages recently on some other podcasts that I listen to…..I turned the VOLUME UP and paid more attention!!
And just like the ADHD seminar I went to, this time I was struck like a lead pipe over the head…..things became so clear and OBVIOUS that I actually bust a gut laughing at how long it took me to get it.
This information has made so many things in my marriage to James make sense. Not only did we discover his undiagnosed ADHD, I found out what his love language is and he now knows mine……and I’m not exaggerating…..
So onto these love languages. I will do my very best to explain them but do yourself a favour and go buy his book. It’s one of the best selling books in the WORLD, in a bazillion languages.
Dr. Chapman is a marriage counsellor who interviewed hundreds and hundreds of couples in his practice and after many years went through his records and compiled a list of 5 emotional love languages – 5 ways that people speak and understand emotional love. What he also discovered is that it was seldom where spouses or partners had the same love language.
And here they are:
I reflected on what my love languages were and very clearly my primary one is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION followed closely by ACTS OF SERVICE. I receive love when I hear words of recognition, praise, gratitude, when I know they are really listening to me by engaging in conversation.
I also receive love when people do acts of service for me. If someone offers to help me with something where I am struggling – you are my hero.
The other three love languages are important to me but in less obvious ways.
I showed him the summary and we talked about it and he said that his primary love language is Acts of Service – and I would whole heartedly agree with that! His second is Quality Time. He receives love when people do their part and lighten the load so it’s not all on him to do. Like laundry….the guy LOVES laundry and I love that! But if he needs to get something done that does not interest him, that is a different story. James also receives love when we spend quality time together as a family.
Once I recognized what his love languages were…..I recognize a lot quicker when I am not doing my part and it’s time to put work away and contribute in other areas.
The cool thing about the love languages is that they don’t just translate to marriages, they also translate to kids, work environments, sports teams, etc.
If you would like to find out what your LOVE LANGUAGES are, check out this test!
Until next time, be kind and stay well.
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